好想瞓，無得瞓！有得瞓，瞓唔著！ - 黃子華
有否嘗試過，肉體很生猛，但係無乜精神，虛虛浮浮咁？
又有否嘗試過，鬼打都無咁精神，思考又鬼咁死清晰，之但係又懶洋洋無咩力咁呢？好想瞓，無得瞓！有得瞓，瞓唔著！
瞓唔著，我便會在床上打滾迷思，想一些將會發生及永遠沒有何能發生以及回憶一些發生過或無關痛癢的小事。記住，係小事，然而將所有小事堆積起來，再分類，就會有好幾件大事，最後，大事又會變成更深層次的迷思，愈諗個人就愈醒，眼皮愈重個腦就轉得更快。以前會因明天要上班怕沒有精神反應遲純會做錯事，變成自責發脾氣心情極差，愈差又愈瞓唔著，瞓唔著，又陷入迷思...終於要宣告今天是失眠夜。
其實，是可以解決的，而我真的有妙法可以極速入睡，那就是聆聽自己的呼吸，首先深深吸一口氣，吸得自己無法負荷，然後閉氣，在心裡數十，重覆這動作十次，其間要完全絕對專心留意自己的呼吸聲，十分有效。
咁你又唔瞓？因為思考的過程對我來說，是一件極度愉快的事(係唔係好似d四眼小學生立志要做個科學家咁呢)，一旦陷入迷思難以自拔，我都會由它得過且過，完全不需要得到結果(呢樣就唔係科學家要既野喇)，結果實在不重要。
加上，我又無工返呢...
2009年2月5日
分不清
花了四天，一口氣看畢了新版鹿鼎記，只為金庸筆下的最愛─雙兒。每次都看完一本書一套電影，好有一段時間沒有辨法平靜下來，那是一種突如其來無法抵擋的鬱悶，襲擊心房。大概都是我分不清，分不清是愛上看何琢言還是雙兒；分不清是愛上Natalie Portman還是Mathida；分不清是愛上朱茵還是紫霞仙子。
正當我思緒錯亂時，幸好遇上一部好電影，American Beauty(港譯：美麗有罪。但電影跟有罪跟美麗都扯不上關係，而American Beauty是一種玫瑰花的品種，貫穿整部電影。)，於最後一幕，男主角Lester終於明白生存的美麗，但陰差陽錯地，比鄰居槍殺而死，他死後的獨白(可以參照2月3日Blog的內容)，最令我感動的是以下這一大句：I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.
有點玄，意思像朋友說的重情而瀟脫，娘d講句就係不捨不得，但又要為著這東西得到過而感恩。(有冇高人指點一下，可以四字詞語解釋到出黎呢?)
算吧，分不清就分不清，看過人生的美麗這麼多，糊塗一下又如何，應該開心先係丫嘛。
但若然你當真認為我是愛上外表上的美麗，那麼你真的他媽的太太太太太了解我了。
美麗有罪VCD.. $20
正當我思緒錯亂時，幸好遇上一部好電影，American Beauty(港譯：美麗有罪。但電影跟有罪跟美麗都扯不上關係，而American Beauty是一種玫瑰花的品種，貫穿整部電影。)，於最後一幕，男主角Lester終於明白生存的美麗，但陰差陽錯地，比鄰居槍殺而死，他死後的獨白(可以參照2月3日Blog的內容)，最令我感動的是以下這一大句：I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.
有點玄，意思像朋友說的重情而瀟脫，娘d講句就係不捨不得，但又要為著這東西得到過而感恩。(有冇高人指點一下，可以四字詞語解釋到出黎呢?)
算吧，分不清就分不清，看過人生的美麗這麼多，糊塗一下又如何，應該開心先係丫嘛。
但若然你當真認為我是愛上外表上的美麗，那麼你真的他媽的太太太太太了解我了。
美麗有罪VCD.. $20
2009年2月3日
American Beauty
Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
Lester Burnham: [narrating] I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.
又多看一次，又再感動一次。
Lester Burnham: [narrating] I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.
又多看一次，又再感動一次。
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